It's one of those things you don't even consider. You rarely, if ever, hear people talk about it. There isn't even much research on it. But, up to 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (Reed, 1990).
The grief some experience from this tragic event seems to be overlooked and oftentimes minimized. It's become so routine to medical professionals that they are insensitive to the emotional effects of the loss. And from family members, friends, and other caring people who mean well, you often hear: "Oh, you'll get pregnant again," and "It's not like it was a 'real baby' yet, now that would be much worse." But, to me it was a real baby and maybe now I'm afraid or insecure that I'll ever have a baby.
I'll never forget that day. It had to be the worst day of my life. The loss resulted in the deepest grief I had ever known. Although I knew God was with me and He was going to help me through it, I became very angry. "Why?" I asked. How could He allow this to happen to me? I trusted Him and dedicated this baby to Him before it was even conceived. And thereafter, I thanked Him daily.
Fully aware that I wasn't allowing God's Holy Spirit to comfort me, I rebelliously shut the door to His love. I wanted to sulk and drown in self-pity. A couple of months passed and I finally realized that I wasn't getting anywhere. God didn't feel sorry for me and I was feeling even worse. I turned to Him in repentance and told Him that I was ready to receive what He had for me.
Soon after my change of attitude, it was the Scripture from Jeremiah 29:11 (TLB) that spoke to my heart: "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." That day hope resurrected in me, and God's word began to restore my faith. I believed that God had good plans for my future. To hope and trust in Him was the only way I was going to make it through this pain and grief. I decided to give my life and future wholly to Him. I was assured by His word that whatever He has for me is good and not evil.
Several months passed and I became pregnant again. This time the excitement was overshadowed by fear. What if it happened again? The doctors said it probably wouldn't and if it did it may be indicative of medical problems. In a time I would normally rejoice, I was filled with fearful thoughts. Then I meditated on Jeremiah 29:11 and I was committed to trust that God's will, which is for good and not evil, be done in my life. I found that instead of experiencing the reality and attachment to this baby, I developed a strong attachment to God and He became more real to me.
When I was getting to the end of the pregnancy, I could hardly wait to meet the blessing God had for me. Will I now be able to forget the miscarriage and all the pain associated with it? Will I ever have to talk about it or think about it again? God, however, had an even greater blessing for me than I could ever have imagined. He was going to get all the glory in this. And my past experience needn't be forgotten. It wasn't all in vain. It would be a testimony to God's grace and His resurrection power.
Joseph was born in the same month, same day, and within the same hour EXACTLY one year after the miscarriage. Exactly one year to the day that I had experienced death, I was experiencing the birth of the precious blessing God gave to me. Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live" (John 11:25). Death could not defeat the Son of Glory. He has conquered death and sin. And when Jesus is the Lord of our lives, death in no capacity can ever defeat us. For He alone is our life. Praise Him forevermore!
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Reed, K. (1990). Influence of age and parity on the emotional care given to women experiencing miscarriage. Image, 22(2), 89-92.
Copyright 1997, 1996 Krystal Kuehn
