When bad things happen suddenly and unexpectedly to us it's normal to go through shock and denial. We think, "No, this can't be happening." We feel out of control and don't know what to expect next. There is so much to deal with. Nothing really makes any sense. But when our anchor is in the Lord, nothing has to make sense. We know that He is in control. There is nothing that can happen in our lives that is beyond His grace. He promises that He is always with us and He will never leave or forsake us. We can be assured of His presence during times of crisis and grief. He is there and He has always been. There is nothing that comes to God as a surprise. Nothing can shock Him or deny His sovereignty. Yes, He knew it was going to happen. He allowed it.
Now we have a choice. We can trust His Lordship in our lives or we can get angry and turn from Him. If we draw near to Him in our times of trouble, we will experience His perfect peace, mercy, faithfulness, and abounding love in a greater way than we ever have before. If we turn away from His comfort and grace, we will suffer deeply. Our wounds will take so much longer to heal. Our pain can turn bitter and we can feel abandoned and rejected by God. The Lord hasn't changed. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He's just as loving, kind, and good to us as He has ever been. It's our response to our situation that will determine how we perceive a loving God who is always there for us. He brings healing to our brokenness, comfort to our hearts, and peace to our souls.
I say all this as an introduction in sharing my experience. On January 15, 2005 I experienced a sudden, unexpected attack on my body. After exercising and getting into a hot shower, my arms, left leg, chest, and feet suddenly felt numb, weak, tingly, and convulsive. I don't know how else to describe it other than to say it felt like I was being electrocuted. I couldn't bend or turn my head without feeling as if jolts of "electricity" were shooting throughout my body. It was horrifying. I didn't know what was happening. It was certainly God's grace and perfect timing that brought my husband home shortly after my horrifying experience. We went to the hospital emergency room. After extensive testing (blood work, X-rays, MRIs and other tests); and after three days observation in the hospital I was given a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. I had to spend an additional four days in the hospital for treatment.
From the moment of the neurological attack I knew that God was in control. Months before He prepared my mind and my heart to cope with what I was going to face. I had felt a strong desire to read a book by Anne Graham Lotz called "Why?" I had 2 Timothy 1:7 deep in my heart and his words were life to me: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I was prepared to say, "Not my will Lord, but yours be done. I trust You Jesus. You are in control. You are good and nothing will ever change that. I know that you will use this for your glory and work it out for the good. I submit to your will, whatever that may be. I lay down my plans. I trust you. You are my Help. I praise You for your grace. You are with me and have always been. You are awesome Lord. I believe Your word. You are on my side. Your plans for me are good and not evil. Use me Lord to glorify You in whatever way you choose. That is my heart's desire. I love you Lord."
That prayer changed my life. The diagnosis of multiple sclerosis may have brought me to that total acceptance. However I got there, I am thankful and I am changed. I can now say with humble gratitude that "I surrender all" and that God is in control of my life. Our losses can be our greatest gains if we will allow the Lord to do His work in us. In our midnight hour He holds us, and the light of His love illuminates all darkness. I wrote a song months prior to this experience called "In My Midnight." The song's chorus words say this: "Hold me Lord when the light is dim in my midnight. Hold me Lord when I doubt in the dark what I know in the light. There is hope in the light. There is peace knowing it'll be all right. In the light I can see that all along you were holding me." To you I say, "Let these words remind you to never doubt in the dark what you know in the light. God is with you in your midnight. God is with you when you can't sense His presence or see His hand move in your situation. God holds you in His everlasting arms and He wants you to rest in knowing that everything is going to be all right. There is hope and there is peace because God is in control."
One year later…
It’s been almost a year since that dreaded day and bad report. As I look back I am so amazed at all the Lord has done in my life. Knowing He is in control has helped me to trust Him and believe for my complete healing. And I have received nothing short of just that. I feel healthier than I ever have before. I am symptom-free! The Lord has used the people closest to me to pray and search for treatment and direction to total health. As a result I have gained knowledge and insight about detoxification, antioxidants, live and wholesome foods, nontoxic home products and cosmetics, etc. I didn’t realize just how ignorant I was about these things.
The more I learned the more faithful and dedicated I became in applying what I learned. I changed my entire lifestyle. I began to appreciate this temple of the Holy Spirit in a new way. And I have taken the responsibility to take proper care of it much more seriously. It has made an incredible difference in my life and in the way I feel both physically and mentally.
I remember being told over and over again how important my mental attitude would be in dealing with symptoms or any other related problems. That is where my faith in the Lord has made the most remarkable difference. I often remind myself that He is in control. He is good and faithful. He is the Lord my Healer. He is my Stronghold in the day of trouble. He is the Author of my Faith. He is my Wonderful Counselor. He is my Hope. He is my Comfort and Strength. He is the Spirit of Truth and He leads us into all Truth. Praise His Name for forevermore!
